10.5.21

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Weed on your breath,

more saliva than I thought humanly possible

transfers from your tongue to mine.

You look brooding in the dark.

And shy when you remove your cap.

your bald spot only intensifies

the coach fantasy I'm trying to find.

This act is merely escapism.

I can't find stable, trusting love

so I manufacture it.

Our back and forth feels sporty.

A snap in my step and I feel you return it.

Leave it to pure lusty intention

to keep me engaged and leaking in my shorts

that gin and tonic you pushed in.

I wonder if I'm getting you high 

by being the hot young jock gripping your thigh.

I know I feel important flirting with someone.

Anyone in the ravenous crowd.

This happens every time. 

I make all these shaky plans.

We'll see each other on weekends

and have unattached sex.

And I'll slowly numb out.

Driving to your place not cuz I feel good

but cuz I'm feeling strung out .

On the job I didn't get it or the guy my age

who won't fucking respond.

You say what really is age in the end.

Ya I guess I could open up

like the way I think I'm supposed to

with someone my age.

I just want someone to grow with.

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