6.2.21

 

I'm awake. New day. It's cloudy and the owls still chirping. I shat on tin foil in my room because my roommates take awhile in the bathroom in the morning. My first challenge to accept in the day. I think about Higher Power more consistently in the morning. I literally roll out of bed onto the floor and ask Higher Power for the willingness to be willing. "You're Not Sorry" by Taylor Swift is playing in my head. 'You don't have to call anymore / I won't pick up the phone / This is the last straw / Don't wanna hurt anymore' I guess day by day I feel more connected to making music. Improvising on the piano brings me a sense of emotional tension. My faces winces and I hope I hit the next note perfect to release the pain. Most of the time I don't know where to go with the melody so it falls out of the moment. Day by day my melodic instincts sharpen. I'm so proud of myself yesterday I was anxious and directionless but instead of using screens I went outside and talked to Shannon my neighbor. She's gonna live in a van and travel to Canada. Stay safe Shannon! And I got a letter back from Simeon, my prison pen pal. He is so vibrant, shines right through the paper. Prison hasn't broken his soul. I feel connected to so many people on a friend level. I still crave physical and sexual intimacy. Higher Power will lead me to that love in good time. XOXO Garrett